I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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