dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
