hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
