so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
