I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Non-Jews are for practice
if only i could text you this smell
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
