I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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