i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
