If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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