I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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