Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
