I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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