My sheets look like a crime scene.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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