Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
