weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
