found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
