I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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