I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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