at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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