I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
