like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
