I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
