You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
