So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
