For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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