Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
