She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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