Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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