very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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