I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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