I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
