Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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