brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
