So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
