You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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