how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
