Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
