i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
