just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
