And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
