ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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