Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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