Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
