I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
