there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
