Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
