that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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