Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
