yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
