I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
