you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He? As in you personified your dick?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
