Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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