Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
